May 3, 2017

Life is always a challenge !!

I am needing somewhere to vent tgat isnt facebook!  It has been   so long i am oretty sure noone will read this.  You what that  is fine with me.   Bob is now married, and lives on his "own"  theirnatural gas has been off about for a couple of months.  Therefore they shower at my house !  Theyhave also gone to eating at my house most days.  Only unlike if they lived with me its like they are visiting .  I feel like i need to be present; on ; if you will.  Which means i do t get off time. 

I am now babysitting a wonderful 17 month old boy.  He is such  a delight!  He is getting me more  active which is good.  Wheni started the first of march; i weighed in at 365 lbs.  Practically the heaviest i have ever been.  As of yesterday i am down 10 lbs.  I joined weight watchers this week, though I am really struggling  wwith understanding   the smart points,  more specifically   what I can  eat.  2 weeks agoi was diagnosed   with type 2 diabetes.  Also have high blood pressure, throid problems, depression  and anxiety.  My knees andback are messed up.  I also have "pos".  My health has become a major issue.  I currently   have bronchitis  and a sinus infection.  Which both are pretty normal for me.

3 weeks ago roger was laid off, he is amazing and starts a new job  Thursday ,  he is so excited!  Me i ammore concerned   about how we are going to pay rent with the gap in paychecks.  Let alone gas and groceries .  God has always provided; and i know he will this time.

Chris is still homeless.  Hemostly hasbeen since he left the state   system a year ago.  Although   he always has somewhere   to stay and does a lot of fun things.  He is a pro at minuplate anyway for anything .  He comes over every couple weeks; calls most days.  He really stresses me out when he is around. He is very much a young immature   10 year old with adult thoughts; and issues,  he is 18.  He has bipolar abd refuses to be on meds. i a much better   with boundaries   with him them with Bob. Chris is not allowed to spend the night, or travel  with me.  Too much water under that bridge, that ship has sailed .

Bekah just turned 13, i wonder some days if she just turned 3!!!  She is super smart academicly.  Like taking highschool classes as a 7th graderand carring the highest  grade  in the class,  she will go far!!  When it comes to housework and chores.  Iyiyi!  She is whiney, and lazy, and mouthy. She always has an excuse to get out of chores.  Something hurts, too much homework ,  after her bedtime.  Ect.....  she also is a first year trombone   player, first chairm and a second year trumpet player also firstchair.  I am very proud of her, but we clash alk the  time! !!!

Then there   is Sarah. She would prefer to be off with friends having fun then home.   She is very smart in school, for her good grades  are her ticket to social time. She does chores very half heartedly,  and quickky so she can leave.  Very frustrating   for me.

I feel like i fight with the girls alk the  time about chores,  i physically  struggle with lots of pain when i cook, do dishes and sweep.  I think they think it is a farse so i can make them  do it. 

I am positive and working atmaking lots of changes right now.  Feels like a forever project.  My faith is strong, though i really struggle with  getti g involved in any of the adult  classes at  church.   I dint feel   nourished  and fed. I really   struggle with reading Gods word, i am not self diciplined   and self cobtrol is a joke.  These are what i pray about and ask God for help with daily,

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